I had lunch with her last September for the first time since that entry I just linked.
I started by explaining to her why I had been keeping my distance. I referenced a lot of the things I wrote about in that entry. She was apologetic and blamed some of the behavior on the medication she had been taking.
We ended up having a bit of a heated argument over lunch. She told me that she was concerned that I would think to myself as I perish in hell, "Why didn't Jane tell me??"
I was shocked and annoyed by this statement. Who the fuck is Jane that she knows what's best for me?? It's just her needing to ease her conscience, it doesn't even have much to do with me.
Her mind is so closed up tight, I couldn't really relate to her at all.
So, after that lunch, again, I kept my distance. She relentlessly invited and re-invited me to her birthday party for the next three weeks. She called, left messages wanting to see me again.
I ignored her.
On valentines day, Justin and I were leaving Panama 66 in Balboa Park. We had spent several hours eating and drinking in celebration of my Dad's 76th birthday. We were walking across the Prado bridge when I heard my name. It was Jane. She was walking in the street on the opposite side from us. The street and sidewalk were crowded with people. She was the only pedestrian in the road walking with traffic. She asked if we could talk for a minute, and I said we were in a hurry.
She called me that evening while I was having dinner with Justin. She left a lengthy and pleading voicemail. I finally responded today.
"Jane, I'm sorry I've been silent, I'm just not sure what to say. My mother taught me as a child that heaven and hell do not exist, and that the God she believed in was a loving God who did not exact revenge.
As a grown person, these base teachings still exist in my mind, also as an Atheist person, whether I like it or not. I have plenty of christian friends who are accepting of my beliefs and even respectful. I prefer these types of friendships in my life. I have a hard time keeping patience with you because you come across as very closed minded. When I started talking about my paintings, for instance, you interrupted me to say, "You never painted in High School" and, while I did have brief access to some oil paints in High School, and I messed around with them, it is true, I did not paint in High School. That's the beauty of life. As we age and get older we can explore the things we didn't do before, and I am spending my life enjoying as many things as possible. I was a bit shocked at your reaction, considering High School was more than 20 years ago for me, and not only that, but it was not the greatest time of my life.
I am open to hanging out again sometime. I don't want to throw away our friendship, I just need you to be respectful of me and my beliefs, and be open to the idea that I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions and life choices based on my perception and upbringing just like every other human person on earth."